# Last edited on 2017-05-23 23:42:15 by stolfilocal # Posted on /r/buttcoin 2017-05-23 Good question! Guys, we should start detailed planning for F*-day. Below is a very rough draft of the script for the upcoming bit-coin fork, as proposed by the Field Op managers at last week's meeting. Read it carefully and bring any suggestions etc. to the next meeting [Note 0]. Special Agents Neckbeard, SwampThing, NakaTuring, and BitSavior will be receiving additional details through the usual channel (if the backlog clears in time). All times are UTC of F*-day. You must all have received a Chinese fortune cookie at the Friday brunch with the date; please keep it secret. (Harry, the janitor says that you left yours on the table; please see him ASAP.) + **02:12:23** Infiltrated relay nodes will activate the Utterly Absurd Soft Fork (UASF) filter, which will censor any block that does not vote for HalfWit. Every client that happens to be connected only to UASF relays will stop receiving the blockchain. That is estimated to disable 37% of all clients. At least 23% of them will ask for help on /r/bitcoin and /r/btc, and will get what they deserve. + **03:00:00** Bit-coin Unhinged (BU) will be activated by the miners we bribed. The coin will then split into Bitcoin-Blokestream (BTC-B), with 1 MB blocks and 40% of the hashpower; and Bitcoin-Unhinged (BTC-U), with anyone-guess-the-size blocks and 60% of the hashpower. + ** 03.08:47** All Chore-supporting relay nodes, even those who are not UASF-rigged, will refuse to propagate the BTC-U blockchain. About 8237 additional clients, who by then will have upgraded to BU-compliant wallets but will happen to be connected to Chore relays only, will be thoroughly confused. As a result, they will lose a few hundred coins in total, as payments will be reissued or sent to receivers who will have opted for BTC-B. + **03:09:22** The reverse will happen to about 13255 clients who will still be running Chore-compliant wallets but will be connected to BU-compliant relay nodes only; with the same end result. + **03:10:25** Another 25266 clients will manage to reach both BU and Chore miners. Their transactions will be confirmed randomly in the BTC-U chain only, in the BTC-B chain only, or in both chains, depending on how the coins are tainted. Since each of those clients will see only one chain, there will be more confusion and thus more coin loss. + **04:12:14** Right after the split, the bitcoin price (assumed to be $2500, just for concreteness) will split neatly between the coins: BTC-U will get $400 and BTC-B will get $200. Of the remaining $1900 of value, 30% will be added to Ethereum (Classic and Punk together) and the other 70% will be split chiefly between Dash, Monero, Dogecoin, and PayCoin. + **06:30:00** Coinhaze will take advantage of the confusion to confiscate all the Unhinged coins that correspond to their clients' BTC holdings (estimated to be about 100 k BTC-U). Coinfaze will send those coins to Buttfinex, and exchange them for 50 k BTC-B. + **07:12:30** Our agents inside Buttfinex will perform another hack, like they did last time. Buttfinex will then shave another 20% off all client accounts -- including Coinhaze's, which will be reduced from 50 k BTC-B to 40 k BTC-B. + **08:55:00** The BTC-B chain, with its capacity (block rate) reduced to 40% of the pre-fork level, will develop a huge backlog. The BTC-B price will drop to $250. Rush to dump by ancient holders will make the backlog worse. + **09:10:00** The 3rd floor manipulators will lift the BTC-U price to $500. + **10:30:00** Coinhaze clients will threaten to sue the company to get their BTC-U out, forcing Coinhaze to buy back the 100 k coins that they just sold. The 40 k BTC-B they got from the sale will only buy 8 k BTC-U at the current prices, so they will have to spend another 46 million USD or 18.4 k BTC-B for that. They will opt for the latter, and announce a 18.4% haircut on all customer BTC-B accounts. + **11.05:30** A bug in the BU code, triggered by a block that was exactly 1'234'567 bytes long, will cause the BU blockchain to fork repeatedly after every 5 blocks. A patch to fix the bug will be distributed to miners at 12:03:45, and they will again converge on a single chain twelve minutes later. The multiple reorgs will cause another estimated 13221 clients to lose approximately 2450.00231557 BTC-B and 1337.00000001 BTC-U. + **12:07:05** Seeing that BTC-U is not dead yet, Blokestream will put in action the "fire the miners" plan. Namely, they create a new altcoin (that they call "Bitcoin", but we all must insist on calling "GrogCoin" or BTC-G) whose proof-of-work will be based on the endgame of the 1975 Fischer x Karpov chess match and a 10000 x 10000 crossword puzzle. + **12:07:23** Spammers are already scheduled to start issuing several MB of garbage transactions to the BTC-G chain at this time, even before the first block is mined. (Someone please remember to have a dozen pizzas delivered to the basement around lunch time.) + **12:10:45** Several experts will warn Blokestream that the "fire the miners" move is totally unnecessary, since BTC-U, as a hard-forked chain, will be invisible to clients who are still running the Blokestream software -- and there is no sign that the mining majority will bother to sabotage the BTC-B chain. Blokestream will ignore the warnings, saying that the plan must be implemented because it is so clever, and besides the experts are CIA lackeys and their mothers have been seen standing at street corners at night. The experts will then leave the scene, stomping and slamming the door. + **12:15:00** BitFurry's CEO, pretending to be incensed by the "fire the miners" move, starts his own fork of the blokechain, codenamed Bitcoin-Furry (BTC-F). The coin is expected to receive little interest, except in Biafra where Sergei Mavrodi has already been contracted to start a BTC-F based hyperponzi. + **13:54:22** Blokestream will announce that 17 users (mostly their employees) have already downloaded the BTC-G version of the Core client, and the first block of the new branch has been mined. It will barely make a dent in the spam backlog. Thus BTC-G will start out with a fully operational "fee market", with all its known benesses. + **14:22:00 (plus or minus 17 minutes)** Special Agent NakaTuring will make to several Blokestream employees an ofter that they could refuse, but, greedy bastards that they are, won't. Pretending to be enraged by their departure, Special Agent Neckbeard will fire everybody else at Blokestream, except the CSO. + **15:18:09** As you all know, a high school student in North Corea (the country, not the subreddit) discovered last month that the 21.inc chip on the PiTato, while useless to mine BTC-B or BTC-U, can be exploited to solve large crossword puzzles incredibly fast. We have secretly delivere him a PiTato, which he is set to use to mine BTC-G. That will give him 98.5% of the total hashpower active for that chain. After mining 250 blocks, he will have enough BTC-G to buy a second PiTato from AlphaBay-NK, or a Mickey Mouse hat. He has been instructed to choose the hat, to avoid starting a bubble in the PiTato market. [Note 0] The next Field Ops meeting may be delayed since His Scaliness the Sub-Vice Lizard showed up for a snack and we are now looking for a replacement Secretary. Please keep your cochlear implants tuned for further announcements.