# Last edited on 2012-09-05 23:03:13 by stolfi 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I hate quotations. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- It's pointed out that in mechanical engineering, cranks and eccentrics are essential to automobiles, so that without cranks and eccentrics, our modern civilization would crash. -- L.X. Finegold 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A man with a new idea is a crank until he succeeds. --Mark Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A lunatic is merely a minority of one. (Attributed to George Orwell) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 10^12 to 1. -- Ernest Rutherford 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. -- Sam Levenson 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. -- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) "The Devil's Dictionary" 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- In the city of the lame, a cripple is the courier. -- Sumerian proverb. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Great Roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion. -- Woody Allen 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- See the happy moron: He doesn't give a damn. I wish I was a moron: My God! Perhaps I am! -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Too clever is dumb. -- Ogden Nash 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion. -- Thornton Wilder 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Acting is merely the art of stopping a large number of people from coughing. -- Sir Ralph Richardson 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- C'est singulier! Moi, je pense jamais, mes idées pensent pour moi. -- Alphonse de Lamartine 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Aussi haut que l'on soit assis, on n'est toujours assis que sur son cul. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tiger got to hunt, Bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder, "Why, why, why?" Tiger got to sleep, Bird got to land; Man got to tell himself, "I understand." -- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., /Cat's Cradle/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I know that poetry is indispensable, but to what I could not say. -- Jean Cocteau (1889-1963) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Twinkle twinkle little star How I wonder what you are I took a class in poetry but didn't do well. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -- Mark Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep." -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- An alarm is to sleep what an accident is to traffic. -- Mário Quintana 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Cats were put into the world to disprove the dogma that all things were created to serve man." -- Paul Gray 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. -- Fred Allen 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A good pun is its own reword. -- anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- It is a well-known fact that manuscripts of the Pancavimsatisahasrika Prajnaparamita exist in both a revised and unrevised form. -- Shogo Watanabe 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A bad standard is better than nothing. It gives you something to violate. -- unknown 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- In Japan, you can choose between [ink] sticks made for drawing, for Kana, and for Kanji (they differ in glue type). -- /Ink Sticks/, Claes Lindblad (1996) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Spieglein, Spieglein an der Wand, Wer ist die Schönste im ganzen Land? -- Brüder Grimm, /Schneewittchen/ (1819) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Of splendid books I own no end, But few which I can comprehend. -- Sebastian Brant, /Ship of Fools/ (1494) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. -- Mark Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- We reporters are instructed by the newspaper editor to always separate the wheat from the chaff, throw away the wheat, and publish the chaff. -- Anonymous (quoted by P.J.Rezende) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- First Law of Economics: You can't sell product to people without money. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. -- John Kenneth Galbraith 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they wouldn't reach any conclusion. -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Your karma ran over my dogma. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Architecture is petrified music. -- Goethe 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines. -- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869-1959) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Without a faculty devoted to excellence, a university's buildings would echo with questions unanswered and answers unquestioned. -- Norman Topping 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- And in between the creation of the Universe and the Chaos, between the first two sentences of the Holy Bible, lived the dinosaurs. -- D. Royce and J. Zolot, "Did God Destroy the Dinosaurs?" (paraphrased by D. Kossy) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Entropy isn't what it used to be. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I was taught that if you want something done, ask the busiest person you know. -- Frances Wilbur 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things do. -- Willa Cather "O Pioneers!" (1913). 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. -- Bill Vaughan 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. -- Al Capone 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job. -- Woody Allen 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd. (Unknown) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If it wasn't for disappointment, I wouldn't have any appointments. -- Jason Hutchens 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- How many Microsoft engineers does it take to replace a light bulb? None. They have made darkness into a /de facto/ industry standard. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Microsoft Windows": A thirty-two bit extension and graphical shell to a sixteen-bit patch to an eight-bit operating system originally coded for a four-bit microprocessor which was written by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition. -- The Jargon File 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I've got this great idea -- why don't we pitch it to the Franklin fucking Mint? "Fine pewter portraits of General Apathy and Major Boredom". -- Jason Hutchens 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3. feeding; and 4. mating. -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Philip K. Dick 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- La única diferencia entre los surrealistas y yo, es que yo soy surrealista. -- Salvador Dalí 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A plan is just a tangent vector on the manifold of reality. -- "Skratch" Garrison 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Maybe this world is another planet's hell. -- Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The world does not revolve around you. Unless you are drunk. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- People call it take-home pay because there is no other place you can afford to go with it. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. -- James Thurber (1894-1961) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody. -- anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. -- anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. -- unknown 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. That is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -- M. Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying --- but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic? -- L. Tomlin (or Thomas Szasz?) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards. -- M. Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable. -- H.L. Mencken 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Somewhere in Texas, a village is missing its idiot." -- Peace protest sign during the G. W. Bush era 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I am always willing to learn, however I do not always like to be taught. -- Winston Churchill 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. -- M. Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. -- Mark Twain (1835-1910) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my disk? -- Jim Reynolds 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy? 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Capitulo IX Donde se cuenta lo que en él se verá. -- Cervantes, /Don Quijote/. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Puritanism--The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. -- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I object to all this sex on the television. I mean, I keep falling off! -- Monty Python 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- His system was just roadkill along the information superhighway. -- Mark Hittinger 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Use the word 'cybernetics,' Norbert, because nobody knows what it means. This will always put you at an advantage in arguments. -- Claude Shannon to Norbert Weiner (early 1940's) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did the tachyon cross the road? Because it was on the other side. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- rw-rw-rw- : The file protection of the Beast. -- anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. -- Anonymous (Knuth?) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I am interested in everything that is convex. -- Minkowski 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Everything's either concave or -vex so whatever you dream will be something with sex. -- Piet Hein, /Grooks/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -- Sigmund Freud 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A triangle was an improvement to the square wheel. It eliminated one bump. -- Hart, /BC/ comic strip (noted by Paul Bourke) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides. -- Old Yiddish proverb (quoted by Paul Bourke) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- He is unworthy of the name of man who is ignorant of the fact that the diagonal of a square is incommensurable with its side. -- Plato 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical. About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news - With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoteneuse. -- W.S.Gilbert (Pirates of Penzance) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I am a mathematician, sir. I never permit myself to think. -- John Dickson Carr (The Hollow Man) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Young man, in mathematics you don't understand things, you just get used to them. -- John von Neumann 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity, I do not understand it myself anymore. -- Albert Einstein 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language, and forthwith it is something entirely different. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Medicine makes people ill, mathematics make them sad and theology makes them sinful. -- Martin Luther 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Math is hard! -- Barbara Millicent Roberts (Barbie), 1993 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. -- Andrew Jackson 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. -- O'Henry 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Dear Mr. President. There are too many states. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot." - Grandpa "Abraham" Simpson 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. -- Abraham Maslow 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a thumb. -- Peter Gutmann 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. -- H. L. Mencken 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Theorem: Consider the set of all sets that have never been considered. Hey! They're all gone!! Oh, well, never mind... -- Dave Batchelor 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared? -- Lily Tomlin 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What is the formula for asbestos? Anyone know? A. We don't answer all questions here, but we do asbestos we can. -- John the Wysard, posting at sci.chem 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I really hate this damned machine I wish that they would sell it. It never does quite what I want But only what I tell it. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. -- T H Huxley (1887-1975) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Science is the belief in the ignorance of the experts. -- Richard Feynman 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. -- Mark Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Physics is the only science. Everything else is just stampcollecting. -- Albert Einstein 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "I don't like it, and I'm sorry I ever had anything to do with it." -- Erwin Schrodinger, on Quantum Mechanics (?!) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I tried to imagine the easiest way God could have done it. -- Albert Einstein 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night, God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light. -- Alexander Pope It did not last; the devil howling "Ho! Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo. -- John Collins Squire 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Truth, of course, is that the Universe is playing God with dice... -- K. Christopher McKinstry 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I think the universe is simply working on a huge screen saver "dmc" . 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- For certain people after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex. -- Gore Vidal 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Rene Descartes was in this bar, and the bartender asked him "Would you like another drink?" Rene replied, "I think not" -- so he disappeared. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- On two occasions I have been asked, "Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?" 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- " ENIAC is equipped with 18.000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have 1.000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh just 1,5 tons " -- Popular Mechanics, March 1949 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Inventions have long since reached their limit, and I see no hope for further development. -- Julius Sextus Frontinus (Roman engineer, 1st century A.D.) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. -- Suzie Wagner, /Salon/ Magazine computer haiku contest. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A PC is the LSD of the 1990s. -- Timothy Leary 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. -- Weisert 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A distributed system is one in which I cannot get something done because a machine I've never heard of is down. -- Leslie Lamport 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software. -- Arthur C. Clarke 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "...Then anyone who leaves behind him a written manual, and likewise anyone who receives it, in the belief that such writing will be clear and certain, must be exceedingly simple-minded..." Plato, _Phaedrus_ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A good computer uses no tallies. -- Lao Tzu, "Tao Te Ching" (ca. 300 BC; tr. R.B.Blakney) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Hardware is the part you kick. Software is the part you curse." -- anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- When in doubt, tell the truth. -- Mark Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. -- Winston Churchill 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- We wish you a Hare Krishna, We wish you a Hare Krishna, We wish you a Hare Krishna, And a Sun Myung Moon! -- Maxwell Smart, agent 86 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Jesus died too soon. If he had lived to my age he would have repudiated his doctrine. -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) "Thus Spake Zarathustra" Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal. -- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910) "What is Religion" I'm not going to climb into the ring with Tolstoy. -- Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961) from a letter Hemingway was a jerk. -- Harold Robbins as quoted in Leslie Halliwell's The Filmgoer's Companion, 1984 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. -- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Sure ninety percent of science fiction is crap, but ninety percent of *everything* is crap." -- Theodore Sturgeon 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Escrever é fácil. Você começa com uma maiúscula e termina com um ponto final. No meio, coloca idéias". (Attributed to Pablo Neruda) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. -- Blaise Pascal, /Lettres provinciales/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter. -- Marcus T. Cicero 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop. -- Mark Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine. -- Steven Wright 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. -- Ogden Nash 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. -- Ogden Nash 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Happiness is a warm puppy", said the anaconda. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- BLONDES: Plus chaudes que les brunes (v. brunes). BRUNES: Plus chaudes que les blondes (v. blondes). -- Gustave Flaubert, /Le Dictionnaire des Idées Reçues/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Virtue is insufficient temptation. -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- This just goes to show you can halve your cake and eat it two. -- Jay Osborn 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Magic is real, unless declared integer. -- the collected sayings of Wiz Zumwalt 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- C code. C code run. Run, code, run! -- anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Real programs don't eat cache. -- anonymous. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Programming is like pinball. The reward for doing it is the opportunity of doing it again. -- Rick Cook, /Wizardry Compiled/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Debugging is the process of removing bugs. Programming is the process of putting them in. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Let HIM who has an empty INBOX send the first email. -- quoted by Sten Carlsen 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Arsonists of the world, ignite! 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- IBM is not a necessary evil. IBM is not necessary. -- Ted Nelson 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The World Wide Web is an inch-deep ocean of warmed-over spit. -- NPR comment, Dec 8, 1996 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Internet: Learn what you know. Share what you don't. -- Unknown (quoted by Daniel Harms) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Never express yourself more clearly than you think. -- Niels Bohr 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Believing things are real is just another way to get you into trouble. -- William Sargent 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- It is one of the chief merits of proofs that they instil a certain amount of scepticism as to the result proved. -- Bertrand Russell. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dizzy was trumpeter than anyone I've heard, but Bird was the saxophonist of all. -- Greg Shenaut -- gkshenaut@ucdavis.edu 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Usher is a word that contains four personal pronouns. -- anon. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- (If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses. -- Steven Wright) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up. -- anonymous student 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there. -- anonymous student 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A good vacuum really sucks. --anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse will happen all day long. -- California saying To you or the toad. -- Niven's restatement of California saying 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded... dead. -- Woody Allen 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- We encourage you NOT to read the posts of anyone with whom you know you will disagree. -- Mindspring.net's canned reply to spam complaints. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- There is a 70% probability of tomorrow. (actual weatherman quote. 1988) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- ...the two men who single-handedly destroyed the Federation and ended British rule in Central Africa. -- Donal Brody 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut. -- Albert Einstein (quoted by http://www.ThinkThankThunk.com/) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Like so many contemporary philosophers, he especially enjoyed giving helpful advice to people who were happier than he was. -- Tom Lehrer 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Che lavor si fa qui, che non l'intendo? dice a Giovanni Astolfo ... -- Ariosto 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- O ruim dos filmes de Far West é que os tiroteios acordam a gente no melhor do sono. -- Mário Quintana 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- One does not return borrowed bread. -- Sumerian proverb. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Just go on... and faith will soon return. -- J. D'Alembert, to a friend, about infinitesimals. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Ars nostra est ludus puero cum labor mulierum. -- Anonymous alchemist, Prague (Hajek's house), 16th-17th C. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I hate spinach. That's good, because, if I loved spinach, I would eat it, and I hate it. -- Prudhomme 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "If I haven't seen as far as others it's because I didn't have the stamina to climb onto the shoulders of those giants; hell, I've been lucky to cling to their socks." -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. -- Steven Wright 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "It's a fairly embarrassing situation to admit that we can't find 90 percent of the universe." -- Dr. Bruce H. Margon, NYT 1994/nov/29 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- QUOTE Cold-hearted orb that rules the night Removes the colors from our sight Red is gray, and yellow white But we decide which is right And which is a quantization error. -- Jef Poskanzer, "man ppmtopgm" 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players -- William Shakespeare, /As you like it/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The world is an amusement park, and people's lives are joy rides. Mine is a roller coaster combined with a horror ride. -- Anamaria Gomide, 2009. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- It is transparently obvious to any scholar that William Shakespeare's plays were written not by William Shakespeare, but by another author of the same name. -- Patrick Moore 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I am reminded here of the scholar who spent 40 years proving that the Iliad and Odyssey were not written by Homer, but by another Greek of the same name... -- Julian V. Noble 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "An astrophysicist is someone who sees something working in practice, and wonders whether it will work in principle." -- Harvey Liszt 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Everyone knows that the sock is the larval form of the coathanger. -- Greg Neill, posting to sci.space.science 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Com a destruição da camada de ozônio, daqui um milhão de anos nós enxergaremos ultravioleta. -- Guido Stolfi 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- ``Now, here's a little Secret I think you ought to know: Horses sweat and men perspire --- but ladies only glow'' Anon. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If the world were a logical place, men would ride sidesaddle. Rita Mae Brown 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I'd never fly in an airplane designed with floating point arithmetic. -- John von Neumann 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Gentlemen, if we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure." -- Dan Quayle 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A fundamentalist is an idealist with whom you disagree. --anon. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money. -- Leon Lederman 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that she is pink; we logically know that she is invisible because we can't see her. -- Anonymous pamplets from the IPU Church. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Whatever a man prays for, he prays for a miracle. Every prayer reduces itself to this: "Great God, grant that twice two be not four." -- Ivan Turgenev (1818-1883) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Some people are afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths. -- Stephen Wright 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- You can blow out a candle, but you can't blow out a fire. Once the flame begin to catch, the wind will blow it higher. -- Peter Gabriel, 1980 _Biko_ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Television is chewing gum for the eyes" -- Frank Lloyd Wright 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Since atoms do it, we cannot expect anything better from sacks of atoms. -- Ludwig Plutonium 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "The Egyptians saw the brain as the organ that produces mucus, because your nose runs. They figured that snot had to come from the brain. So you can imagine. Why would you want your brain in the afterlife? There's enough mucus in this life." -- Lisa Schwappach, San Jose Rosicrucian Museum 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Thoze peepul spel best hoo doo not no how too spel. -- Benjumun Franklun 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- We must hang together, gentlemen...else, we shall most assuredly hang separately. -- Benjamin Franklin, 1776 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Engineering - a bunch of square pegs, trying to build a better, round hole." -- Arthur Stuttegard, Embry-Riddle Asst. Professor 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Perhaps one man's maid is another man's poisson. --James Lee Or as Heorodtus supposedly said, one man's Mede is another man's Persian. --Mikael Thompson 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Stercus bubulus omnia vincit -- David K. Jordan's father 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. -- Stephen Roberts 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -- Art Hoppe 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated. -- Voltaire (1694-1778) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Woman was God's second mistake. -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Man is a dog's idea of what God should be. -- Holbrook Jackson 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Then God said to all the creatures: Go forth and multiply. But > among the tiniest of all His creations, the Amoeba thought > otherwise, and said to God: No way, I prefer to divide. But God had > the last laugh; stroking His white beard that had seen the very > creation of Time, God said: So please yourself, and yet thou shall > do it My way, thou shall multiply by division. And to this day, the > amoeba struggles shapelessly to evade the natural Law! --Then the snakes came to God and said: We cannot multiply. The Lord then did place the snakes upon a wooden table and lo did the snakes multiply. Of course, God in his wisdom knows adders can multiply using a log table. dellwo@orib01.phy.ornl.gov (This Side Up) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Happiness to an engineer is a straight line on a log-log plot. -- anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you? --Isaiah xxxvi.12 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Time is Nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once." 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. -- Douglas Adams 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- All mushrooms are edible. Some of them more than once. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "The difference between fact and fiction is that fiction has to be believable." -- Mark Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- La única diferencia entre yo y un loco, es que yo no soy loco. -- Salvador Dalí 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Philosophy is that at which thoughtless people laugh. -- Heidegger 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Beauty (like contacts lenses) methinks, is in the eye of the beholder. -- Christopher Majka 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "The world used to be small because the Earth was so large, today the world is huge because the Earth is so small" -- Gilberto Gil 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- To be is to do. -- Kant To do is to be. -- Sartre Do be do be do. -- Sinatra Yabba dabba do. -- Flintstone 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Brad M. Garcia "If the auto industry were like the computer industry, ____/ _ _ / / / a car would now cost $50, would get 500 mpg, and at a / /_/ / / / random time would explode, killing all passengers." _____/ _/ _/ _____/ -unknown source 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Use passwords like a toothbrush. Change them often and don't share them with friends. -- Clifford Stoll 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- When I happened to call it a design defect, the sales manager replied "It's not a design defect; they're *all* like that"! 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A feature is just a bug with seniority. -- George G. Galdiano 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Remember, Emacs can do anything. It can do even more if you bother to read the manual. --Michael Ernst 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- This book detracts from the sum total of human knowledge -- Alex Chorin (quoted by Cleve Moler) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Nobody is going to buy the book if I say nice things about you, Werner. -- Klaus Kinski to Werner Herzog 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Prolific writing of content that cannot be improved ... will eventually lead to the death of this project. We are here to build an encyclopedia, not to finish it. -- Hans Adler (2008), about Wikipedia 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. --anon 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- How does a system manager change a light bulb? | Gernot Katzer | katzer@bkfug.kfunigraz.ac.at He doesn't. He just denies access to everyone to | katzer@balu.kfunigraz.ac.at the area served by the light bulb in question. | NEVER make me sysmgr! 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- : -- Who will ever need more than 640K? Bill Gates 1981 - 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- In a world without Borders and Fences who needs Windows and Gates? -- From the GCC bug database quip file, 2004 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less." --Iva Matrix 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- As the kid said, "What did you bring this book I didn't want to be read to out of up from Down Under for?" 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. -- Winston Churchill 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Lady Nancy Astor, Viscountess: "If you were my husband, Winston, I should flavour your coffee with poison." Sir Winston Churchill: "If I WERE your husband, madam, I should drink it." 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Bebo porque é líquido, se fosse sólido, comê-lo-ia. -- Jânio Quadros 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Beer is a bull. The mouth is its stairway. -- Sumerian proverb. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- ... acting strange is okay, and acting stupid is okay, but making it clear that you want everyone in the world to think your IQ is much lower than it is is perhaps the most powerful weapon known to man. -- James "Kibo" Parry 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." -- Mark Twain 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Never underestimate the joy people derive from hearing something they already know. -- Enrico Fermi 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- What if there were no hypothetical situations? -- Andrew Kohlsmith 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "If you hold a meteorite up to your ear, you can hear the sounds of outer space." -- Dr. Barry D. Gehm 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Melbriniononsadsazzersteldregandishfelstelior had seldom been exploited by terrestrial adepts, inasmuch as the use of a demon's name was necessary in those rites binding him to servitude. One missed syllable and the conjurer would step from the circle, smiling, to discover that the demon was smiling also. Then, leaving the remains artistically disposed about the conjuring area, the demon would return to the infernal regions, perhaps bearing with him some small souvenir of an amusing interlude. It was Melbriniononsadsazzersteldregandishfelstelior's misfortune, however, that Baran of the Extra Hand hailed from Blackwold, where a complex, agglutinative language was spoken. -- Roger Zelazny (The Changing Land) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Mai Thai Finn is one of the students in the programme and was in the centre of the photo. We incorrectly listed her name as one of the items on the menu. -- Community Life ---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Professionals built the Titanic. Amateurs built the ark." -- Unknown 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A triumvirate of murine rodents devoid of ophthalmic acuity was observed in a state of rapid locomotion in pursuit of an agriculturalist's uxorial adjunct. Said adjunct then performed a triple caudectomy utilizing an acutely honed bladed instrument generally used for subdivision of edible tissue. -- Mary Youngquist. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: How many molecules are there in a saucer of guacamole? A: Avocado's number -- Unknown (quoted by Ole Swang) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. -- Samuel Butler. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- He whose head resembles a Dutch cheese does not rest it on the grocer's counter. -- C.H.W. Roll. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- How can one conceive of a one party system in a country that has over 200 varieties of cheese. -- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- England has forty-two religions and only two sauces. -- Voltaire (1694-1778) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- IN NO IST LAT WHEY CRATICT FROURE BIRS GROCID PONDENOME OF DEMONSTURES OF THE REPTAGIN IS REGOACTIONA OF CRE. -- C.E.Shannon, /The mathematical theory of communication/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I can trace my ancestry back to a proto-plasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. -- W.S.Gilbert (Mikado) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Churchill 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- There once was a poet named Dan, Who's poetry had never one fan. When told this was so, He said, "Yes, I know. "It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can!!" -- Ogden Nash 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite. -- Paul Dirac 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- [As a scientist] you have a great advantage over a musician. You can get 99% of the notes wrong, then get one right and be wildly applauded. -- Dudley Herschbach (Chemistry Nobel 1981) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- #define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) /* Shakespeare. */ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- This is an uneven book, parts of it having been made more boring than was in itself strictly necessary in order to highlight those other parts which are less so. -- N.F.Simpson, /Harry Bleachbaker/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. -- A. A. Milne 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The human body, if properly cared for, can last a lifetime. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful: You might as well live. -- Dorothy Parker 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism. -- Anonymous graffito 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Suicide is belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives. -- H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. -- Last words of Pancho Villa (1877?-1923) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- There are three things I always forget. Names, faces and - the third I can't remember. -- Italo Svevo. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If I were a cassowary On the plains of Timbuctoo, I would eat a missionary, Cassock, bands and hymn-book too. -- Bishop Samuel Wilberforce. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. -- W. C. Fields 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Erasmus Darwin had a theory that once in a while one should perform a damn-fool experiment. It almost always fails, but when it does come off is terrific. Darwin played the trombone to his tulips. The result of this particular experiment was negative. -- J.E.Littlewood 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. -- Lily Tomlin 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -- Lily Tomlin 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The padded room is fun until you run out of ways to bounce off the walls. -- Anonymous. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Many that are first shall be last, and the last first; but the middle ones will surely stay in the middle. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Lord in His wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why. -- Ogden Nash 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The cow is of bovine ilk; One end is moo, the other is milk. -- Ogden Nash 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- To err is human, to forgive divine To err is human, to purr feline. To err is human, to howl lupine. To err is human, to moo bovine. To err is human, to admit it asinine. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The finest of the human race Are bad in figure, worse in face. Yet just because they have two legs And come from storks instead of eggs They count the spacious firmament As something to be charged and sent. -- Ogden Nash, /À Bas Ben Adhem/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- It's even got eyes, and a mouth clear cut; When the mouth comes open the eyes go shut, When the eyes go shut, the breath is loosed And the presence of lungs can be deduced. -- Ogden Nash, /First Child, Second Child/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat. -- Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- With proper medication, you can live an almost normal existence. -- Radio commercial (quoted by J.R.Stallings) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- There once was a man from Calcutta, Who coated his tonsils with butta, Thus converting his snore From a thunderous roar, To a soft, oleaginous mutta. -- Ogden Nash, /Arthur/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I have a bone to pick with fate, Come here and tell me girly, Do you think my mind is maturing late, Or simply rotting early. -- Ogden Nash, /Lines on Facing Forty/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. -- Jean-Paul Sartre 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers. -- Lily Tomlin 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. -- Lily Tomlin 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? -- Lily Tomlin 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- And why do you, lad, look so pale? Is it for love, or lack of ale? -- Old sailor chant 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears that this is true." -- James Branch Cabell 1879-1958 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Engineer: The glass is too big. -- quoted by Shoeb Hafiz 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. -- Wernher von Braun 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?". -- Albert Einstein 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Des chercheurs qui cherchent, on en trouve. Des chercheurs qui trouvent, on en cherche. --Attributed to Charles de Gaulle (1890--1970) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Victor Meldrew: "The police can use sperm now as a way of fingerprinting people." Mrs Warboys: "I don't see what was wrong with the old inkpads." -- David Renwick, _One Foot in the Grave_ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Beware the Professor, my son! The jaws that lecture, the hands that grade! Beware the Teaching Assistant: shun! And the frumpy Librarian evade!" -- from "S k e w ! a journal on the rrragged edge of academe" 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "You may wonder how a professor gets any research done when one has to teach, advise students, serve on committees, referee papers, write letters of recommendation, interview prospective faculty. Well, I take long showers." -- Anonymous professor 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I test my bath before I sit, / And I'm always moved to wonderment That what chills the finger not a bit / Is so frigid upon the fundament. -- Ogden Nash 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The ostrich roams the great Sahara. Its mouth is wide, its neck is narra. It has such long and lofty legs, I'm glad it sits to lay its eggs. -- Ogden Nash 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A bit of talcum Is always walcum. -- Ogden Nash, /Ode to a Baby/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dung beetles (Canthon laevis) spend much of their time rolling around a large ball of dung. Actually, this is very much like some of our jobs. -- Wayne Armstrong, /Wayne's Word/ 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment. -- Robert Benchley (1889-1945) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A bus station is where the bus stops. This computer is a WORK station. -- Roger B. Dannenberg 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- All persons, living and dead, Are coincidental, And should not be construed. -- Kurt Vonnegut 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A giraffe is an elephant whose trunk is its neck. -- from an old AI paper 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A harp is a nude piano. --anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Ravel's last words: "I see so much music!" John Cage's last words: " " 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Life is what happens to you while you are too busy making other plans!" -- John Lennon 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ... -- Carl Zwanzig 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark. -- Rilla May 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas? -- Steven Wright 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A celebrity is a person who is well known for his well-knownness. -- Anonymous 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- En el gusto se encierra el Arte. Si el autorizado contraviniere esta advertencia, será multado. -- Emiliano R. Fernández 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Archaeology is the only profession where your future lies in ruins. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. -- Bert Whitney 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. -- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit" 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I sent a hen through the astral plane To learn our future, and man's luck, And by the by my bird returned But all she'd say was "Cluck, cluck, cluck!" --Omar Khayyam's answer to the Chicken-and-Road Question, according to flapee@bubblegum.net 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A city is a large community where people are lonesome together -- Herbert Prochnow 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember you are unique --- just like everyone else. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If God had meant for us to use the metric system, we would have been born with ten fingers. 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If ignorance is bliss, why are there so few happy people? 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Some say that my teaching is nonsense. --Lao Tse 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -- John Ciardi 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. -- William James 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. -- W. C. Fields 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- One should forgive one's enemies, but not before they are hanged. -- Heinrich Heine (1797-1856) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too. -- Peter De Vries 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something. -- Samuel Butler (1835-1902) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing. -- Kingsley Amis 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The more I see of men, the better I like my dog. -- Pascal 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. -- Mark Twain (1835-1910) 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. -- W. C. Fields 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Have I reached the party to whom I am speaking? -- Lily Tomlin, on the phone 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts -- for support rather than illumination. -- Andrew Lang 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm not an outlier; I just haven't found my distribution yet! -- Ronan Conroy 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination. -- Lily Tomlin 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- The museum tour guide said "And this fossil is 3 million and 4 years, 2 months and 3 days old" "How can you possibly know that?" "Well when I started work here - 4 years 2 months and 3 days ago it was 3 million years old." -- Paul Blay 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Brilha uma voz na noute... De dentro de Fora ouvi-a.. "Ó Universo, eu sou-te..." --Fernando Pessoa 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Statistics are like a bikini: What is revealed is interesting; What is concealed is crucial. --- quoted by R. Taylor 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- REMEMBER! Data is always plural! -- John Roden 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Deus é um grande Intervalo -- Fernando Pessoa 8<---------------------------------------------------------------------- Everybody gets one soundbite. Einstein has "E=MC2", and I guess mine is 'Are We Having Fun Yet?' -- Bill Griffith, creator of 'Zippy the Pinhead' 8<----------------------------------------------------------------------